06 - Apathetic Apology

am I or am I not a real person
plan I, these thoughts
or are they just emerging
manage getting lost
when I’m walking in circles
talking to myself
when I’m speaking it hurts tho
 
ima collection
of lost thoughts
and stolen mannerisms
cleverly designed
to make it seem like I exist
even tho most of the time
I’m just not convinced
 
I'll write a line
just for the kicks
it’s never a lie
but it seems like it is
should be
but I’m drowning in it
 
like swimming I thought
but no one taught
me to breathe underwater
 
I’m slipping thru denial
and what’s best
I’m missing my own trial
and what’s left
I’ve been walking for miles
last bet
I better stack up my
chips and try to win
that’s final
 
oh no
I don’t see
why I’m here
just let me leave
 
oh no
it’s crazy
I’ve lost it
no apologies
 
what’s best left for last
is a difficult task
can I ask why you
want to know just that
is it something to put
on your headstone
and laugh
I don’t see any other
end points to this path
 
all roads lead to one place
and that's pretty final
but all modes of travel
are more or less time vultures
one or two might take longer
but have more culture
 
the faster you get there
the sooner you get to start over
find your final four leaf clover
fix your sights on some goal
some lover
some tolls
will smother
any good intentions
in the weight of life
in the light of another
 
it’s best not to think about it
but only half of what you
know can fill the whole container
 
contemplate that and get back to me later
 
oh no
I don’t see
why I’m here
just let me leave
 
oh no
it’s crazy
I’ve lost it
no apologies
 
stranger danger
every day of your life
each step from the light
is endorsing the darkness
I’m stealing your flight
I’m taking these wings
right into the sun
just cause it feels right
I’m digging around in your
head just because
no one told me
it’s useless
no one signaled the start of the end
no one gives an eff if I’m living or dead
 
well that’s not exactly true I’ve
got family and friends
but that’s a small percentage
let’s not pretend that
I’m so important I just can’t end it
 
I’m a blend of toxic chemicals and
holistic medicine
I tend to cheat myself
simply because I can
what can I say I’m a dishonest man
but I’ll fight to the death
for whomevers at hand
 
I light my last breath
on my deathbed
unless someone stops me
tho from what I can tell
I’ll probably be alone
scraping out my final
existence worn down
to the bone
trying to prove my existence
more times than I know
I’m a sucker for a show
but I’ve shown
so many times
that given the chance I'll just
let myself go
 
oh no
I don’t see
why I’m here
just let me leave
 
oh no
it’s crazy
I’ve lost it
I’m just not complete
 
oh no
I don’t see
why I’m here
just let me leave
 
oh no
it’s crazy
I’ve lost it
no apologies

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